dear haters

The advice my mom has given me and my siblings has become legendary.

Her sage words of wisdom have become a kind of folklore in my family that we repeat like dogma. The thing is, we all say it in her New York / Long Island accent. We repeat them time and time again with a little bit if teasing but we all know we are living all her advice.

‘Stick together’ is a good example -but we say it like, “Stick togeth-AH Now!”

When we were kids and unhappy about something that dealt with a third party that was seemingly bigger and stronger than us, like a school or town or principle- she would tell us to write a letter. (“Write-a-lett-ah”)

Reflecting on my hesitation & procrastination to writing and I realized something. I’m annoyingly afraid of the haters. Listen, I’m not everyones cup of tea and now more than ever I am ok with that. But I’m also not so stubbornly stuck in my ways that I won’t leave some room to grow. I’ll always strive to evolve, but it will be for me and for the people I love- not to fit into someone else’s idea of who I should be or how I should act.

When it comes to posting, writing, podcasting, leading, I find myself with that same hesitation and I’m realizing that I am letting it keep me kinda small and quiet. 

If anyone knows me, they know I’m short but I’m not small or quiet.

With moms voice in my head, I decided I would write-a-lettah! Addressed to imaginary haters who may or may not even be real but at the very least, live in my head which is the very worst place they could live.

If you’re reading this and cheering me on, maybe you should write-a-lettah to your haters, too. Addressed to the voices and fear monkeys that are keeping you from whatever it is you want to do. If you're rolling your eyes: well then this is for you. 

Dear Haters,

Yeah, I’m still here, trying to write something new. Chipping away at this blog, at that project, at another venture. Curious about this life & what I can make of it. 

What have you tried lately? Anything new?

When was the last time you put yourself out there? Really, truly, put yourself in a vulnerable position to do something you believed in, or stood up for what what you love, or learned something new or evolved in any way.

Instead, you choose to simply sit, arms crossed, complaining. Pointing out all the flaws and all the mistakes and all the ways someone might be wrong or stupid or silly. I would say, maybe look in the mirror and ask yourself what you’re really mad about. 

Did you want to try something and someone made you feel like a joke? Are you angry with yourself that someone is proving that something is possible when you convinced yourself it isn't so you didn’t even try and now here they are, doing it, again. 

Are you Judging someone because you’re jealous? Maybe a little accountability would do you some good!
If you find yourself complaining and never looking inward then you’ll always be hating on people for what they’re doing cause you know deep down you’re too scared to even try. 
Maybe you think you are so perfect at everything you do? You have never made a mistake or said the wrong thing or tripped up or did something stupid. 

You think you have a 100% track record of being right, being the best and being on time. 

Well, I’d take a room full of people trying their best over people who think they are the best anytime. 

The people that try and fall and dust themselves off are who I want to write for. The people who decide to wake up and try something, anything, the dreamers, the rebels, the starters, the goal setters- that’s who I look up to. 

And the haters, I’ll write for you, too. Maybe you’ll hate so hard you’ll actually drop that giant heavy ego and try something for yourself. Something so outrageous that you can’t help but knock down some of those big bad walls you worked so hard to protect yourself with. 

You can complain and judge and hate all day long and have nothing to show for it but other peoples success. 

I’m going to post this even though I don’t always feel like a writer, then I’m going to stretch and squeeze my chubby butt into some leggings and go for a run even though I don’t always feel like a runner, and then I’m gunna edit a podcast even tho I don’t always feel like a host, and then I’m gunna take a shower and rock a Saturday night at my restaurant even tho I don’t always feel like a boss. But what I’m not gunna do is let some hater on their couch (or in my head) stop me from any of it. 

Whether you read this and cheer me on or read this and roll your eyes, Thanks either way, cause this is for you. 

Sincerely, 

Carolyn