Be reasonable in an unreasonable world: A respectful response to Will Guidara’s Unreasonable Hospitality

Will Guidara’s book, Unreasonable Hospitality: The Remarkable Power of Giving People More Than They Expect, is about the magical land of delighting guests with an experience they themselves do not have the capacity to imagine.

It is the story of ‘Eleven Madison Park’ and its staff’s mission to become the best restaurant in the world by blowing their customers minds right out of their heads in nice and, at times, outrageous ways.

And why not?

Why not spread more joy in a world that is increasingly void of it. It makes everyone happier. I love it. I applaud it. I am inspired by it.

I also wanted to throw the book directly into the bay.

Why? What’s the problem?

It’s not with Will or his crew.

Not only did Will want to blow people’s minds with the unexpected.

He wanted to be the best.

He knew what he needed to do.

And then he did it.

That is so badass and cool and I truly admire him and his team.

In fact, I am an alumni of this same school that taught the power of giving people more than they expect.

Literally.

Danny Meyer, the restaurateur who opened Eleven Madison Park and who would later sell it to Will, hosted professional classes in NYC called Hospitality Quotient and I attended them all.

Danny Meyer is & always will be an A-list celebrity in my book and I straight up fan girled out when I met him.

I read his books, gifted them to colleagues, and repeated his teachings like mantras. I still do. They work and I stand by them to this day.

Danny Meyer’s main philosophy lies in the “power of nice.”

I naturally gravitate towards leading with love and kindness.

But- Small businesses know that whether you are managing a 3 star Michelin rated restaurant or your local coffee shop,

many of our problems are the same: costs are higher than we’d like, trying to control them never ever ends, nor does training and managing staff. You have to innovate and inspire and be sincere and pay your taxes and insurance and post a damn picture on instagram.

I own a small restaurant. We sell eggs. Omelettes. Pancakes. Burgers. Panini. Salads. Everything is made to order and from scratch: soups, stocks, salad dressings and sauces. We buy as local & seasonally as possible (but we also put avocados in a ton of dishes so everyone just needs to calm down.)

We don’t have table cloths, we don’t even have cloth napkins.

We serve chipotle mayo (albeit home made and damn delicious) in plastic ramekins and ketchup in squeeze bottles that sometimes seep out the cap.

Our salt and pepper shakers are cute but also chipped and sometimes the salt sticks. The chairs are a little wonky and the tables a little wobbly.

Our staff is truly incredible. Solid, dependable, consistent. Most of them have been with me since day one and we have grown and evolved and I love them with all my heart.

They also text on their phones and sometimes watch the soccer or hockey or football game in the kitchen. And sometimes the bus kids wear sweatpants.

They huddle at the end of the bar and gossip more than I care to admit and sometimes get on each other nerves. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes and missteps as a leader too. No one knows this more than me.

But all of this is normal and we always end up better year over year. Stronger, more compassionate, grateful and accountable. Human.

Our customers love us and we love them.

We care. We sincerely want to know how they are, what’s new with their kids, how their kitchen renovation is going or how the dog is or how their daughter-in-law’s new business is going.

Of course they can hang up a flier for their event. Yes, we will definitely check it out! You need a donation for your fundraiser? You got it.

We show up for each other, encourage each other.

I think it’s important to support someone when they are imperfect and I don’t think it’s any different for a business.

I don’t mean that we won’t correct a mistake or apologize when something isn’t right or try our best to clean all the sticky salt shakers.

I would just love for people to be a little easier on everyone.

Lighten up, cut each other some slack.

We are trying to do our best, as opposed to trying to be the best.

Now, I understand people are not lining up to give accolades and book deals and awards to people who are just trying their best, but why not?

Most people could relate to being average or slightly above average at what they do.

I wonder if we would all feel more satisfied and happy by rewarding a good job. That trying our best is enough. Because sometimes even that feels impossible.

Which brings me to my main argument for reasonable hospitality.

Now, this is not something Will Guidara can control but I still blame him and Danny Meyer, my heroes of hospitality, for one main and totally unfair reason.

People’s Expectations.

Its not for the lack of caring or creativity that we can’t execute the extras- it’s resources.

We are small and that usually means the margins, the profits, the prices, the space, the team, the everything is smaller. But I’ll tell you what isn’t smaller. The expectations.

Maybe the average person would assume that expectations would be adjusted by the customer to be appropriate for the establishment. (For example, a local breakfast and lunch place with occasional sticky salt and pepper shakers and the wobbly table leveled with a coffee cup sleeve versus say, oh I don’t know, the best restaurant in the world.)

The thing is, this doesn’t always happen. And while I do believe our hospitality is seriously on point in a very sincere and warm way, I sometimes wish people were better at regulating their own expectations.

It feels like in this climate, you can’t put a toe out of place.

Reviews, opinions, ideas, sometimes I want to yell, “you you freakin try this,” then come back and tell me how disappointed you were that we ran out of chocolate cake.

Sometimes “being the best” simply means that when you are out of your ever loving mind and want to yell and scream and quit, instead you take a deep breath, a little walk outside, drink some water, have a snack, realize you are doing a damn good job, put your big girl pants on and figure out the next small step that needs to get done.

It’s all you can do. Just do your best.

Shout out to everyone out there who is doing ok.

Ok is good. Ok is working, OK is super bad ass.

It is perfectly reasonable to be reasonably good at whatever it is you are doing.

Just keep going. Little by little, strive to do your best.

Be reasonable in an unreasonable world.